NYE Spending Spree

So Christmas was great and all but my thirst for fashion was far from quenched. My husband (what’s his name?) certainly tried, but everyone else seemed to be using the recession as an excuse to spend less! Most of my friends are far from poor even after loosing half their money in the stock market!

So since I was stiffed by soooo many of my “friends” this year, I’ve decided to treat myself to a NYE spending spree! First on my list are these L.A.M.B. Faith Heels. They have great winter to spring versatility and they turn the top of your foot into an extra place to be scantily clad. That means extra sexy! I cant wait to wear these tomorrow night! Happy NYE!!!!

Wintery Fun!

I saw these adorable legwarmers the other day and I must confess, I love love LOVE them! I just had to buy them and put them on the Daily Swag for everyone to see.

I love these leg warmers because they remind me of the eighties -one of my better decades. It’s never really that cold in LA and we’re rarely outside when it’s below 70, but we still like to stroll down the streets in full winter wear. These knitted legwarmers really complete my woodsy winter look, don’t you think?

Girly Punk

Usually I LOVE all things girly girl. Pink this, bows on that, sequins everywhere etc. etc.

Lately though I’ve been noticing a trend towards the edgier, punk rock, biker babe side of fashion. All the girls my age are doing it. Chloe Sevigny, Blake Lively, Rachel Bilson, and even Leighton Meester have been edging it up recently. So, being the brat that I am, I wanted a flat that was both punk and girly at the same time. I spent hours yelling at my assistant to find me one and finally, she produced.

This shoe is the perfect blend of pretty and punk. Who says you can’t have it all? No one! - not to me anyway.

Who Has Great Taste? I Do!

So last week, as you all know, I put up these fabeau Moschino Cheap & Chic red hot hot hot shoes! They are such great buys that I made them the Super Swag. Anyway this Sunday I was sipping screw drivers by the pool and listening to my assistant read the paper to me aloud (reading strains the eyes which causes wrinkles) and when she gets to the image section my ears perk up. I grab it out of her hands and there, right on the front page, are the very same luxuriously luscious suede booties. IN THE L.A. TIMES FOR GODSAKES!!! Needless to say, I felt very proud of myself and very suspicious as to where the editor got the idea to put the same shoes I picked on her front page. She had better watch herself! Anyway, snag them before everyone else does because now it’s not just between us

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AMAZEBALLS

So of course The Benefit was AMAZEBALLS!!! Lady Gaga and JT were at their finest and Jon and Kate were at their worst! My little seating “mix-up” really caused quite the ruckus! Jon ended up slapping the oversized glasses right off of Kate’s face!

In an effort to make amends I have posted some replacements for her! Also, thanks to my incredible contacts and planning skills, there isn’t a chihuahua in Bev Hills that will go without his fill of chow for at least the next few months!

Thanks to all esp. Kate! Here’s to you -for taking one for the team and getting us all that fab publicity!

The Pressure is KILLING ME!

OMG. The pressure is absolutely KILLING me!

You know me, I have a hard time keeping a secret as it is, but this whole thing of keeping my start studded line up for Project Premium Nugget under wraps is really testing my Botox… (pressure causes stress causes wrinkles so I’ve really had to go full fledged on the injections).

Which by the way, SAIGE, your snide comment about my charity is not appreciated. You’re the one who’s un-enlightened, just ask Justin…

Oh **&#$%!

I can’t believe I just spilled. All right, whatever, shoot me, I’ve admitted Justin Timberlake is coming. But that’s it! I’m silent till next month when we kick off the festivities and those dear little beautiful Chihuahuas (Rat Dogs you call them Saige? How about your Rat Dog Hair?!) will get the delicious surprises they deserve.

Speaking of delicious surprises, look at what I’m buying this week as a reward to myself for keeping everything so hush hush (that little slip of JT doesn’t count):

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Who's Who

So I’m sure you’re all just dying to know who will be in attendance at my fabulous event. If I were you (and thank God I’m not) I’d assume that the most exclusive and important rich and famous people in Hollywood will be there.

I mean for one, it is MY event and for two, what starlet out there wouldn’t want to be seen addressing one of the most tragic issues of our time? The world’s problems don’t get much more important than a Chihuahua who hasn’t had his fill of premium puppy chow.

I can’t exactly tell you whose going to be there (the press hasn’t found out yet and so I’m not at liberty to spill). But trust me, when you see whose RSVPd you will die drooling.

Here are some things I’m thinking of having as party favors. That’s all you get to know, for now...

Project Premium Nugget

Hello glamour pusses!

I am in rare form today! I am also a little disturbed. With winter fast approaching I am already starting to lose my golden sun kissed tan. Horrid. And horrid again. It simply won’t do, because, as you all know (and if you don’t know you must be living in a test tube), my highly acclaimed and extremely successful charity drive, PROJECT PREMIUM NUGGET (delivering food to Chihuahuas in need), is right around the bend! I cannot go around during this high profile time looking like a bleached bone. For God’s sakes the dogs will come after me. That is, the rags that call themselves newspapers. They are always looking for SOMETHING to dish on me. But they will never win!

For one thing, I’ve got a secret weapon: Takahatchi. He rustled me up some fantastic bronzer and now I look like I spent ten weeks in Mazatlan. Of course, normally I would just fly down there to get a good tan before the big event, but I’ve just been so incredibly busy getting together the star studded line up I haven’t even had time to berate my husband.

Everyone has been dying for a taste of the guest list but I’m keeping it under wraps for now. Let the suspense build. Create excitement. Never let them see you sweat. I’m a brilliant PR strategist if you haven’t noticed.

So, keep wondering, and until then, check out the new Jimmy Choo bag I’ll be bringing to the event:

The dogs will love it. That is, the Chihuahuas as well as those idiot paparazzis…

Brit

To all of you who weren’t fortunate enough to catch my good friend Britney at the Staples Center for her Circus tour this past month: I feel so sorry for you and your pathetic lives (Saige). I of course was sitting a respectable distance away with all of the industry people. We weren’t dancing (because we’re too cool) but we were judging!

The production honestly left a little to be desired. Sure there were plenty of fireworks and enough dancers to start a small sexy army, but nothing really wowed me into frenzy. The last time I saw her, a full on rainstorm happened on stage.

That said, her body and her lip syncing were fantastic. In honor of her freak-out-less tour, I have picked some Britney inspired products for you to buy immediately. These EKG leggings –because her pulse was off the charts and she was wearing nothing but sparkles, and this CC Skye bag –because chains were everywhere and Brittney loves bondage.

Love You Marilyn!

So apparently I had the swine flu! Don’t ask me where I got it.

When you’re someone like me, you come into contact with a lot of people and that means a lot of germs. I did bump into a certain goth icon who was rumored to have the sickness but I won’t name names. (Marilyn Manson) (anything in parentheses doesn’t count because I’m not actually saying it, it’s implied).

Anyway, that, the Emmys and the VMAs have been keeping me so busy. If you don’t hear from me for a while and coincidentally a lot of fabulous things are going on, assume I’m doing those fabulous things and I’m too busy to update you.

That said, If I’m busy of course my assistant is. I have to say a huge thanks to Ronna especially for the unending supply of Hollywood Fashion Tape. I couldn’t have gotten through these past few weeks without it!

Thankfully I’m never too busy to shop! I found this fabulous JJ Winters Croc clutch and this amazing pair of Steve Madden booties. Untill next time Ciao!

Toxic Smoke and Toxic Pool Parties

Searing heat and smoky air make for an unbearable combination. This year's fires are seriously disrupting my pool lounging. Thankfully the cloud of toxic smoke that has been blanketing us for the past week has finally blown away and I'm able to get back to what I do best (looking fabulous by the pool).

This weekend was no exception of course! I had a ton of pool parties to hop to for Labor Day. First was the artist formerly known as Prince's pool party. Who was there you ask? A bunch of people who were more famous and more beautiful in the eighties and nineties than they are now including: Bruce Willis, Ferris Bueller and his wife, Skeletor Jessica Parker, Puff Daddy sic and some other people who I no longer recognized.

Feeling like I had been cast in a movie called "Remember Us?" I left for a more up to date crowd. And who was hosting? Ashton and Demi of course! There I had just the opposite problem. I was surrounded by a bunch of Disney stars and Gossip Girls. Demi believes that inhaling the fumes coming off of young bodies fights wrinkles. After a few games of spin the bottle I had to leave.

What to do, what to do?! Easy! I decided to go shopping and score some fabulous Labor day bargains. The first thing I bought was this adorable Marc by Marc Jacobs Mouse Wristlet so cute! Then I saw these marvelous sandals by L.A.M.B. I had Ronna immediately post them on my fave website Viva Swag (of course) for all of you to see!

Bored Out Of My Mind!

For the past week I have been bored out of my mind! This week is as uneventful as the last. In fact it's more uneventful because I can't even find an event worth making fun of! I should have stayed on vacation!

Anyway, when times like these persist, there are but two things I can do; shop and stir up controversy. And since I'm shopping online already, I would like to stir up some controversy. So last week, as you'll remember, I mentioned a birthday party that I wouldn't be caught dead attending (Speidi's). Well Saige on the other hand, being the ultra socialite that she is, was more than delighted to attend. Not only was she there, but she immediately posted the pictures she took at the party on Facebook. She has since removed them (most likely in light of Heidi's much made fun of performance at the Miss Universe Pageant - as if they weren't already embarassing enough to be seen with) but trust me, the pics were up and they were pathetic.

As sad as it was that she went, at least she looked decent. She came a long way from her dumpy, birkenstocky get up and I'm proud of her. She was wearing a dress by Haute Hippie with a pair of L.A.M.B. heels and some Nicole Miller earrings.

Before Summer Is Officially Over

I always hate when I go shopping in the middle of summer and I see that fall has already arrived at my favorite stores. Of course it doesn’t bother me too much because that means I can start shopping for the next season! It does however make me want a vacation as soon as possible.

Unfortunately I had so many fabulous things to attend to that I just couldn’t get away… until now. So I write to you -my faithful and jealous followers- from my exclusive and anonymous retreat.

And to tell you the truth it couldn’t have been timed better. The only thing going on in town this week -aside from the usual premiers- was a very negligible birthday party. My publicist, who is also Speidi’s publicist, begged me to go to Spencer’s birthday. I said who? and I left it at that. I do know Heidi from my charity for aspiring teen socialite’s but I have long since forgotten about her. Anyway I sent my gift - a pair of Harajuku pumps - that I’m sure they’ll both enjoy since they are one person, along with my most insincere regrets.

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I love getting away and not missing anything!

Roast Saige

So where was I...

Ah yes, I was telling all about The Roast of Joan Rivers. Well the funniest part of the whole thing was to see how in shambles all the comedians were. Tom Arnold was so drunk he couldn’t get a single joke out without having to roll back the prompter in the middle of it and start over. Mario Cantone went insane for a brief minute and had a seizure while being possessed by the premature ghost of Joan Rivers -I was so frightened I nearly called an exorcist. Hopefully Carl Reiner was wearing depends because he was sweating and stammering as though he had something extremely embarrassing to be worried about -other than his completely obvious lack of preparation. The other comedians were so negligible I won’t even bother…. Thankfully Joan saved the day and made the whole thing worthwhile.

Anyway, that was last week. This week it seems that someone is comparing themselves to me. Someone incredibly stinky and unfashionable -Saige. She seems to think her social life has come to imitate mine. She can only dream. The special events and exclusive parties that I attend actually exist. I point you to the lack of specificity in her stories as evidence. Never-the-less, I do have a soft spot in my heart for aspiring socialites (even though Saige is far from a teen) so I’m sending her a Mesh Clutch with Swarovski Crystals and some Croc Style Patent Booties.

Roast The Tourists

Oh my my my… How summer does drag on.

If I were a normal Beverly Hills woman, I would be pulling out my hair from all of the frustration caused by the endless sea of tourists rushing in. It’s hard to get a table, it’s hard to get attentive service at any of the boutiques and it’s even hard to cross the street with out being trampled to death!

Thankfully I have plenty of special events and parties to distract me. One such event was last weekend at the CBS studios in Studio City –a place where most tourists never make it, thank god! It was the Comedy Central Roast of Joan Rivers – who I absolutely adore! Rick and I were at a table with Anna Faris in the front row which might have been too close for comfort considering Kathy Griffin was the roast master… What? I know everyone else adores her but she’s uglier than sin and she says nasty things about all my friends.

Anyway I was toting my Alexander McQueen Clutch, and Rocking my new Betsy Johnson Nyla Pumps. Of course I was the best dressed there especially when compared to Kathy. For more dish on the roast you’ll have to tune in next week because I have other things to do and a little suspense never hurt anyone.

Coai!

Hide Your Valuables

So I was on my favorite world news and current events site the other day (dlisted.com) and I read something so frightening that I just about fainted! Appearantly Orlando Bloom's house in the Hollywood Hills (which is just around the corner from BH) was broken into and robbed!

Apparently more than 500,000 dollars worth of Jewelry was stolen! It immediately got me thinking of all of my precious valuables that may be in danger of.... dare I say it.... theft! Needless to say I have single items worth more than the total amount stolen from Orlando (which for security reasons wont be mentioned), so I have much more to loose and consequently much more to be afraid of. I could not get my 2 Carat Studs, my Tahitian Pearls, and even my Diva Dream Python Tote out of my mind all day!

Michael K, the writer for dlisted, alluded to the fact that it might have been an inside job. So needless to say I have set up mandatory investigative interviews with each of my staff. This might take all week so until further notice I will be on the hunt and under cover...

Still Recovering......

I'm still recovering from last weekend. What did I do my adoring fans? I went to a pool party of course! And not just any pool party, I went to THEE pool party. Anyone who knows anything about Hollywood knows that there is only one pool to be caught sunbathing at on July 4th. I won't keep you in suspense any longer, I was at the Playboy Mansion!!

Who was there you ask? Of course there were the usuals – Hef and his two twin granddaughters Kristina and Karissa Shannon, Pamela Anderson, Kid Rock, Carmen Electra, Verne Troyer and the list of wash-ups goes on and on.

There were also some fresh new faces -thank god! Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens were there and of course they got into a fight. - If you're a young couple, going to the Playboy Mansion together is relationship suicide! Zac couldn't take his eyes off of whatever set of breasts were passing him at the moment and Vanessa -needless to say- noticed. She got back at him by flirting with Rob Pattinson.

I, on the other hand, had a great time. It seemed like at least a hundred bunnies came up to my husband Rick to tell him how his diet saved their careers. Each one paid a compliment to my outfit. My accessories got the most attention especially my Fornarina Peeptoes, My Blue Raybans and My Sheer Sun Hat. Thanks Ronna!

June Gloom and Martinis

Thank God that this June gloom has finally burned off!

Once again it's pool weather in beautiful Beverly Hills. Not that it really matters to me. I, of course, was always in my lounge chair in my private cabana at the Beverly Hills Hotel, gloom or shine. That said, it will be nice not to have to remember to tell my people to pack my fur and my bubble umbrella.

I conduct all my business poolside and refuse to do it anywhere else because otherwise it feels too much work. Gross. Furthermore, the service here is incomparable! What other office do you know of that you can order the perfect dirty martini during business hours? None!

Anyway, I was working with my assistant Ronna today on our little Viva Swag project thingy when I saw one of my many arch nemeses strutting by my cabana in the Loriblu Denim Wedge I had just put up yesterday on the site! The same pair that I OWN.

How pitiful! She pretends to be above everything I wear and do and yet here she is following my every move! She obviously had them overnighted! When I commented on them she said "oh these old things?" She had the dumbest look I had ever seen on anyone's face so it was obvious she was full of it-even Ronna noticed.

Oh well, imitation is the most annoying form of flattery I suppose.

Tragedy in Tinseltown

Needless to say, I am heartbroken over the passing of one my nearest and dearest friends Michael Jackson... really, it's all entirely too much...

---I was just beginning to feel at peace with Ed McMahon's untimely death when the first thing I hear upon waking is that another of my close friends and fellow style icons, Farrah Fawcett (for whom I'm named), had just passed! Both had been incredibly active in my charities esp. Farrah with Project Premium Nugget, and Ed with BUBBLES (see my profile to learn more).

So of course the very next thing I do is demand a dirty martini -straight up- from one of those people I see wandering around my house trying to look busy, and I tell them to keep 'em coming.

Little did I know I was in for the shock of my life. Latoya called me sobbing around 12:40 after I had retired to the pool. I was in the next limo over to the Jackson Compound in Encino. I hurriedly had Ronna grab my Balenciaga Sunglasses -because they make me look sad, my Fornarina Shanna Patent Pumps -because they are the perfect mourning shoe, and my Strapless Bustier Dress by Derek Lam -because one does want a hint of color especially under such circumstances, and I wobbled out the door with one of my staff's assistance (too many martinis).

tbc.

I'm back! And aren't you lucky...

Aren't you all so lucky that I have the energy to dictate this post to my assistant?! Having just gotten back from my extended vacay in Saint Lucia, I would consider it a small miracle.

I know you're all dying to hear about my fabulous time off so I won't disappoint. The truth is, actually, I had no fun at all... Really!... I mean how long can you be entertained by a private yacht in a pristine bay? After a while it gets to be so dull. Granted, there is a fair amount of shopping to be done on the Island but it doesn't even begin to compare to Rodeo Drive. Oh well! I guess, all said and done I wouldn't write it off as a complete loss.

Anyway, after I got home via my chartered jet I scarcely had the energy to empty my Classic Weekend Bag so I let my maid do it. I also sent her to fetch me another pair of Chloe Shades because I dropped them in the sand while I was away and now they make a funny noise. After all these errands I still decided to make a post. Aren't you lucky!?!

Accessories and Why Every Woman Needs Them

I must tell you how thrilled I am to be speaking to you about the importance of accessories while tanning poolside at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Now before we get started let me introduce you to Tony Caliente, the sizzling Pool Boy who is transcribing my every word for a nominal fee of one hundred dollars a blog. You don't think for a moment that I'm actually using a computer myself? Oh please darlings! I'd break a nail. Tony, smile for the readers! Good boy. Isn't he gorgeous? Nice buns!

Now, on to Accessory Talk!

VIVA SWAG asked me to take a brief moment, which is INCREDIBLY hard for me to do with my busy lifestyle... Tony, be a dear and rub some bronzer in that spot I can't reach. A little to the left... more to the right... left... down... up... ah! Thanks doll... now where was I? Oh yes! VIVA SWAG asked me to talk about accessories and why every woman needs them.

First off, and write this down, VERY IMPORTANT, accessories MAKE THE WOMAN. That's right. For example, these beautiful Marc Jacobs Sunglasses really give me the look that says I am a woman of intellectual and fashionable means... oh boo! We'll have to continue this tomorrow... Tony has to go use the kreepy krauley on the pool. There's something floating in there that shouldn't be...