The Pressure is KILLING ME!

OMG. The pressure is absolutely KILLING me!

You know me, I have a hard time keeping a secret as it is, but this whole thing of keeping my start studded line up for Project Premium Nugget under wraps is really testing my Botox… (pressure causes stress causes wrinkles so I’ve really had to go full fledged on the injections).

Which by the way, SAIGE, your snide comment about my charity is not appreciated. You’re the one who’s un-enlightened, just ask Justin…

Oh **&#$%!

I can’t believe I just spilled. All right, whatever, shoot me, I’ve admitted Justin Timberlake is coming. But that’s it! I’m silent till next month when we kick off the festivities and those dear little beautiful Chihuahuas (Rat Dogs you call them Saige? How about your Rat Dog Hair?!) will get the delicious surprises they deserve.

Speaking of delicious surprises, look at what I’m buying this week as a reward to myself for keeping everything so hush hush (that little slip of JT doesn’t count):

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Who's Who

So I’m sure you’re all just dying to know who will be in attendance at my fabulous event. If I were you (and thank God I’m not) I’d assume that the most exclusive and important rich and famous people in Hollywood will be there.

I mean for one, it is MY event and for two, what starlet out there wouldn’t want to be seen addressing one of the most tragic issues of our time? The world’s problems don’t get much more important than a Chihuahua who hasn’t had his fill of premium puppy chow.

I can’t exactly tell you whose going to be there (the press hasn’t found out yet and so I’m not at liberty to spill). But trust me, when you see whose RSVPd you will die drooling.

Here are some things I’m thinking of having as party favors. That’s all you get to know, for now...

Project Premium Nugget

Hello glamour pusses!

I am in rare form today! I am also a little disturbed. With winter fast approaching I am already starting to lose my golden sun kissed tan. Horrid. And horrid again. It simply won’t do, because, as you all know (and if you don’t know you must be living in a test tube), my highly acclaimed and extremely successful charity drive, PROJECT PREMIUM NUGGET (delivering food to Chihuahuas in need), is right around the bend! I cannot go around during this high profile time looking like a bleached bone. For God’s sakes the dogs will come after me. That is, the rags that call themselves newspapers. They are always looking for SOMETHING to dish on me. But they will never win!

For one thing, I’ve got a secret weapon: Takahatchi. He rustled me up some fantastic bronzer and now I look like I spent ten weeks in Mazatlan. Of course, normally I would just fly down there to get a good tan before the big event, but I’ve just been so incredibly busy getting together the star studded line up I haven’t even had time to berate my husband.

Everyone has been dying for a taste of the guest list but I’m keeping it under wraps for now. Let the suspense build. Create excitement. Never let them see you sweat. I’m a brilliant PR strategist if you haven’t noticed.

So, keep wondering, and until then, check out the new Jimmy Choo bag I’ll be bringing to the event:

The dogs will love it. That is, the Chihuahuas as well as those idiot paparazzis…

Brit

To all of you who weren’t fortunate enough to catch my good friend Britney at the Staples Center for her Circus tour this past month: I feel so sorry for you and your pathetic lives (Saige). I of course was sitting a respectable distance away with all of the industry people. We weren’t dancing (because we’re too cool) but we were judging!

The production honestly left a little to be desired. Sure there were plenty of fireworks and enough dancers to start a small sexy army, but nothing really wowed me into frenzy. The last time I saw her, a full on rainstorm happened on stage.

That said, her body and her lip syncing were fantastic. In honor of her freak-out-less tour, I have picked some Britney inspired products for you to buy immediately. These EKG leggings –because her pulse was off the charts and she was wearing nothing but sparkles, and this CC Skye bag –because chains were everywhere and Brittney loves bondage.

Love You Marilyn!

So apparently I had the swine flu! Don’t ask me where I got it.

When you’re someone like me, you come into contact with a lot of people and that means a lot of germs. I did bump into a certain goth icon who was rumored to have the sickness but I won’t name names. (Marilyn Manson) (anything in parentheses doesn’t count because I’m not actually saying it, it’s implied).

Anyway, that, the Emmys and the VMAs have been keeping me so busy. If you don’t hear from me for a while and coincidentally a lot of fabulous things are going on, assume I’m doing those fabulous things and I’m too busy to update you.

That said, If I’m busy of course my assistant is. I have to say a huge thanks to Ronna especially for the unending supply of Hollywood Fashion Tape. I couldn’t have gotten through these past few weeks without it!

Thankfully I’m never too busy to shop! I found this fabulous JJ Winters Croc clutch and this amazing pair of Steve Madden booties. Untill next time Ciao!

Toxic Smoke and Toxic Pool Parties

Searing heat and smoky air make for an unbearable combination. This year's fires are seriously disrupting my pool lounging. Thankfully the cloud of toxic smoke that has been blanketing us for the past week has finally blown away and I'm able to get back to what I do best (looking fabulous by the pool).

This weekend was no exception of course! I had a ton of pool parties to hop to for Labor Day. First was the artist formerly known as Prince's pool party. Who was there you ask? A bunch of people who were more famous and more beautiful in the eighties and nineties than they are now including: Bruce Willis, Ferris Bueller and his wife, Skeletor Jessica Parker, Puff Daddy sic and some other people who I no longer recognized.

Feeling like I had been cast in a movie called "Remember Us?" I left for a more up to date crowd. And who was hosting? Ashton and Demi of course! There I had just the opposite problem. I was surrounded by a bunch of Disney stars and Gossip Girls. Demi believes that inhaling the fumes coming off of young bodies fights wrinkles. After a few games of spin the bottle I had to leave.

What to do, what to do?! Easy! I decided to go shopping and score some fabulous Labor day bargains. The first thing I bought was this adorable Marc by Marc Jacobs Mouse Wristlet so cute! Then I saw these marvelous sandals by L.A.M.B. I had Ronna immediately post them on my fave website Viva Swag (of course) for all of you to see!

Bored Out Of My Mind!

For the past week I have been bored out of my mind! This week is as uneventful as the last. In fact it's more uneventful because I can't even find an event worth making fun of! I should have stayed on vacation!

Anyway, when times like these persist, there are but two things I can do; shop and stir up controversy. And since I'm shopping online already, I would like to stir up some controversy. So last week, as you'll remember, I mentioned a birthday party that I wouldn't be caught dead attending (Speidi's). Well Saige on the other hand, being the ultra socialite that she is, was more than delighted to attend. Not only was she there, but she immediately posted the pictures she took at the party on Facebook. She has since removed them (most likely in light of Heidi's much made fun of performance at the Miss Universe Pageant - as if they weren't already embarassing enough to be seen with) but trust me, the pics were up and they were pathetic.

As sad as it was that she went, at least she looked decent. She came a long way from her dumpy, birkenstocky get up and I'm proud of her. She was wearing a dress by Haute Hippie with a pair of L.A.M.B. heels and some Nicole Miller earrings.